I am not perfect, but I would like to be. It seems that every story about whole food, plant-based (WFPB) nutrition I read in magazines or books or hear on podcasts celebrates someone who discovered the diet and suddenly changed their lifestyle, losing an astounding amount of weight. I envy their resolve and don’t understand why I can’t match their perseverance. I would like to have the same success story as those committed people I hear about.

When I first watched Forks Over Knives, about 10 years ago, I was instantly convinced that this way of eating was for me. I was already vegetarian but significantly overweight and taking proton pump inhibitors (PPIs) for my hiatal hernia. I knew that losing weight might cure that condition, so I switched to a vegan diet. However, I was not always choosing whole foods. I discovered plant-based meat and cheese substitutes, and I used oil because I kept hearing conflicting information about its nutritional effects. I also still enjoyed eating in restaurants, but because the choices were so limited, I started cheating and opting for vegetarian meals. Since I was already indulging in nonvegan meals, I thought, What does it matter if I occasionally have some chicken? KFC became my go-to on road trips. Growing up, it was a family treat when my dad brought home a bucket of chicken, and I had warm memories of those days. Knowing that I had already strayed from the diet gave me an excuse to eat whatever my cravings desired for the rest of the day . . . then the next day . . . and then the week or month. I kept convincing myself I would start over tomorrow, but tomorrow never arrived; it just became a moving target.

I realize now that I was a food addict. It had never occurred to me that one could be addicted to food, but there I was, scheming how to get my next meal. In the morning on the way to work, I would stop at the drive-through and buy enough food for two people. I was so embarrassed that I would buy two drinks, pretending I was picking up food for someone else. Morning drive-through thoughts sometimes became afternoon drive-throughs on the way home from work. Then I still had dinner because I was always hungry. I knew every item of junk food in the house and every fast food restaurant near me with a vegan menu. I thought about them all the time.

My husband does not eat this way, and there was always food in the house calling to me day and night. Knowing it was there, I felt incessant urges to devour it, usually in secret. I always ate much more than I needed because I could not quell my appetite. The guilt was beating me up to the point where I stopped caring, and the next thing I knew, I was at the grocery store stocking up on chips, cookies, and fried frozen food (all vegan and unhealthy). I was out of control.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, I was teaching from home. As soon as the school day was over, I would crack open a bottle of wine and usually finish it off. This started happening daily, and as a result, my weight ballooned to at least 258 pounds. I ended up in the hospital with acute pancreatitis and E. coli in my stool. I was ashamed of myself. I spent a week in the hospital and was told to stop eating carbs because I was prediabetic. I questioned this, as I knew good carbs were beneficial and exactly what I needed. I knew what to do, but this knowledge was strengthened when I refused to eat the hospital food (they served me a vegan meal consisting of overly sweet soy milk, a very salty vegetable broth, jello pudding, and fruit punch). My daughter came to my rescue and delivered fresh strawberries, miso soup, plant milk, and fresh juice. Six days later, I had a colonoscopy. The gastroenterologist was shocked when my colon results came back clean and my blood work drastically improved. They couldn’t figure out why, but I knew it was the effects of the healthier food I was once again eating.

Fast forward four years to the summer of 2024. I had still been waffling between eating whole foods and vegan junk food, but at least I had stayed vegan. My doctor, worried about my blood pressure, put me on Candesartan. I was angry at myself because I knew it was lifestyle related. I had become more sedentary since the COVID-19 pandemic, and even though my weight had dropped to between 220 and 230 pounds, I knew I needed to do more. Since retiring eight months earlier, I had made a more concerted effort. Still, I was dismayed at the start of summer that I had not done more. Starting on July 6, I went fully WFPB. I designated a separate cupboard for my husband’s junk food to keep it out of sight. This really helped. I also wanted to start a regular exercise routine but always had an excuse not to. In Ottawa, Canada, where I live, the summers can be hot and humid, making it hard to motivate oneself to leave the lovely air conditioning in the house. Again, I told myself, tomorrow would be a better day to start, but all the tomorrows were either hot and humid or raining and humid. I had become extremely sedentary, and it was hard to get off the couch. I still managed to lose four pounds, but it seemed excruciatingly slow.

In August, I joined the CNS Kitchen Challenge and became even more committed. The weather improved, and I started exercising—swimming and cycling at least five days per week. The challenge kept me focused and more resolved. I noticed the pounds started coming off much faster, but even more exciting was the increased energy and motivation I began to feel!

I started feeling dizzy when exercising and realized my blood pressure was dropping too low, so I cut my medication in half. At the same time, my daughter reported significant weight gain while taking the same proton pump inhibitor I had been taking, and I realized my weight had been problematic and very difficult to lose for the past 17 years—the exact amount of time I had been on the medication. I have started reducing my PPIs with the aim of getting off them for good. After the initial rebound effect, I’ve noticed an improvement in my symptoms. Moreover, my appetite seems to be in check, and I’m eating smaller, more wholesome meals. I feel like I’m on the right path.

The encouragement from CNS Kitchen has been amazing. Just being cheered on makes me step a little lighter. I look forward to the discussions and reading everyone else’s experiences. I know I’m in good company! Every day, I have to think about what I really want for myself, which of course is to be healthy and live the life I’ve been wishing I hadn’t thrown away by treating myself so poorly and being addicted to salty, fatty, sugary foods. The struggle is so very real that even knowing what to do does not always change behavior. This time, however, feels different. I have been fully compliant now for almost two months. I’ve never gone that long before. I know this is a journey, a lifelong journey, not a diet just to lose weight before I revert to old habits. I am thankful I have so many wonderful people in the CNS community to share the journey with.